I feel like I've been down more than I've been up in the past few days or even weeks. There are things that have not gone on as planned. There are also people and events that made me feel..in a word - unappreciated. Not unloved, just..unappreciated.
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| Feels like a lonely road... |
And it can get disheartening. When you feel you've done enough or at least have tried your best but your actions and efforts just get sucked into an invisible vacuum. When it takes more than words; quite literally it took your blood, sweat and tears to achieve something and it isn't even meaningful (not in the least) for some. Again, what a thankless world!
This was meant to be a (hormonal?) rant until I realized, how ungrateful have I been myself?
- For all those times I have expected better and better from my family (parents, husband, etc) without realizing they have already sacrificed so much to provide whatever was deemed not enough
- For all those times my friends have given a part of themselves even if they too are busy, even if they too are struggling
- For all those times I have received something and have not expressed gratitude as they deserve
- And so many more
For shame. But what really jolted me back is the prayer we have continuously uttered during Mass, Panalanging Sa Pagiging Bukas Palad. What struck me is that despite praying for this through song, here I am expecting a reward in form of a "thank you" or a pat on the back for doing good. Even more, this made me realize how ungrateful I have been to God, to Jesus. For not being a faithful servant, for always wanting to have the best, for wanting to be the best.
I know I can never thank You enough, Jesus. Anything I say or do will never be enough for the immense sacrifice You have done for us. And yet despite the thanklessness of this world, You continue to redeem, You continue to save us. Thank You Jesus for loving us! Please continue to guide us that our eyes may be only on God and not on worldly things and agendas. Please help us understand that our focus should be on You, that in any good deed we may accomplish, it is for Your glory. That it is more than enough that we are guided to know and follow Your will. That it will always be more than enough, more than we can ever understand, that You love us. Dearest Mama Mary, please pray for us.
Panginoon, turuan mo akong maging bukas-palad
Turuan mo akong maglingkod sa Iyo
At magbigay nang ayon sa nararapat
Na walang hinihintay mula sa Iyo
Na makibakang di inaalintana, mga hirap na dinaranas
Sa tuwina'y magsumikap na hindi humahanap ng kapalit na kaginhawaan
at di naghihintay kundi ang aking mabatid na ang loob Mo'y siyang sinusundan.
Panginoon, turuan mo akong maging bukas palad
Turuan mo akong maglingkod sa Iyo
At magbigay nang ayon sa nararapat
Na walang hinihintay mula sa Iyo
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